A few years ago, I got a request from a couple to do a “theme wedding” in about 8 months from then. I had not yet done one. It sounded fun.
I sent off the usual documents and followed up twice. After a number of weeks, and several requests to have a preliminary meet-and-greet, the couple paid the deposit. They asked for the documents to be sent to the bride’s mom. (First red flag! 🚩) I replied that I have a policy to work with the couple, and if they wanted to include the bride’s mother, that was fine, but I would not have communication with her separate from them. It was THEIR wedding and their marriage.
For a number of months, I was ghosted. (🚩#2) They didn’t reply to any of my attempts to meet them and find out more about their plans.
About five weeks before the wedding (🚩 #3) , I got an email from the bride’s mother (🚩#4) telling me that these elements were going to be in the ceremony:
- Epic Tim Burton and Hallowe’en themed party with a “quick and simple” wedding thrown in
- Star Wars theme also incorporated
- wedding party to be dressed as characters from Tim Burton movies
- officiant to dress as a Tim Burton character (at her own expense)
- wedding vows to be a mash-up of Tim Burton sayings
- Wiccan elements
- Handfasting ceremony
- Wine Unity ceremony
- Jump the broom ritual
- omit the part about choosing each other and coming of their own free will to the marriage (🚩#5)
- officiant to do something “really special” for the ring exchange
- no rehearsal required
- and I was to research the theme by watching the movie Beetlejuice and googling Tim Burton movies and famous quotes.
Oh. Is that all?
I replied, CC-ing the couple. I said that this sounded very unique. To fully understand, I needed to meet the couple in person first, and talk over all of these points. Another week went by. (🚩#6)
I emailed – just the couple this time – again, addressing all of the elements of the ceremony from the mother’s email. I said that the handfasting, wine ceremony and jumping the broom are all separate rituals. To do each one with the appropriate explanation would take time and did not actually contribute to the ceremony being “quick and simple.”
Further, I explained that the question about choosing each other was the one legal component of the ceremony and could not be omitted. I would be OK with wearing a costume they provided, but it was not appropriate for them to expect me to create one or rent one at my own expense.
I mentioned that since this was a “party with a wedding thrown in,” it was especially important to observe the legal stipulation that the bride, groom and the two witnesses could not be under the influence of any substances at the time of the ceremony.
I stressed that a theme party was a great way to have a memorable wedding celebration, and it was also important to keep in mind that the ceremony was an important legal and binding event. I felt confident we would be able to work together to create a ceremony they would be happy with. Could we meet to do this?
Apparently, we could not! A week or so after that – we’re now within 3 weeks of the wedding – I got an email from the bride: “Me and my fiancé have had some time to think and we both agree that we don’t think your gonna be the best fit for us for our wedding. We just feel like you maybe aren’t to interested in our wedding and what we have to offer your business and your wedding portfolio.”
They cancelled the booking. I had never even met them.